masquerade; paper faces on parade

Monday, July 31, 2006
Not-so-special-19

The time has arrived. A year older and wiser. Not a girl Not yet a woman. 19.
What so good being 19?
When u are 16 , u r able 2 watch NC16.
When u are 17 , u have a memory of Sweet Seventeen OR
When u are 18 , U r eligible to smoke , drink , drive And Clubbing!
Then turning 20 , Its a BIG significant coz There's a 2 infront No more 1.
When 21 , No more parents consent form!
Let me repeat 19?What so special being 19??
Thou it did not have any special regulations but it make a great affect on me.
19 is the age where i independently swallow the pills and capsule(fuh..finally)
19 is when i become more of a smiley and approcable person.
19 is the time when i successfully shed a few kilos and counting.
I hope 19 will bring tons of good luck 2 me.My wishes in the wishlist comes true.

The Feeling is mutual.I let it flew so it can be carefree again.I'm happy Now No more pondering.

Jannah ♥ 1:46 PM link to post 0 comments

Saturday, July 29, 2006
SurREAL Love

Real Love
by Massari

Boy, Boy I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby boy I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Baby I was there all alone
When you'd be doin things that i would with you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing there was someone i can talk to
I gotta get out outta my head
Buy baby boy I gotta see you once again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Boy, Boy I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby boy I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

(Every night and now) when I go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kind of weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you're running round in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I want you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk with you
If I could have the chance to walk with you
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Boy, Boy I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby boy I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Today when I saw you alone
I knew I had to come up and hold you
Coz boy I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through
And now as you looking at me in the eye
And now you got me hoping I ain't dreaming again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I want you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk with you
If I could have the chance to walk with you
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Boy, Boy I'm going outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been running outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby Boy I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

You're the one that I want and no one can take
it from me
No, no, no, no, no
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I really wanna show you
And you'd be right there in front of me
I can see you passing in front of me
No, no, no
Boy I need your love,
Baby I need your love.

Lovely song , Aches my heart everytime i listened to it.
About a guy who did not have the courage to tell the girl that he likes her.
So near yet so far.
Hence , i changed the Baby Girl to baby Boy.
I know how u feel man.

Jannah ♥ 1:18 PM link to post 0 comments

Thursday, July 27, 2006
intensely enticing

While waiting for the dance training to begin , I and Bunch of friends were entertained by 3 amateur dancers. They pranced around the room , jumping N shaking their booty.I saw salsa , tango and hiphop.They shook to the sounds of ballads , slow rock and reggaeton*roll eyes*.
They danced every number in the CD and only 1 song that gives me the goosebumps.
Sway by Pussycatdolls.The song where Faiz and Massura paired up.Their dance was sensual and what attracted me was their chemistry.I was mesmerised.They really tell a story with their steps.I can't help but stare especially Faiz's eyes.He looked into Massura eyes with great passion.I get shivers when they danced that.If Faiz is to stare into my eyes so intensly enticing , i will definitely go breathless and he has to give me CPR.
Chet.I think im falling in lurve with his eyes.

Jannah ♥ 11:17 AM link to post 0 comments

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
is this the sign?

Why be miserable when u don even noe the future aite?
Bcoz u've been thinking bout it too much and i mean it(too much)
I don wanna be pessimistic but thats my nature.
Always yakketing bout Jinx and badluck.
If u'r in my heels , u will emphatise for me.
I need compasssion.Hahaha humour me.
Life aint perfect.(Mine's much worse)
I juz waiting for a change.Waiting?
I don seize oppurtunity.I'm afraid of being laugh at.
I wait for the one.
I wait for my dream.
I wait for happening moments 2 befall on me.
I wait for the day when all of it happen.
I wait for everything.
I don depend on u or u or u.
A sense of loss.

*Happy bdae Yan!I'm waiting to have a ride on ur bike!
Wishing you all the best for ur future and may u have allah blessings all day.*

Jannah ♥ 5:16 PM link to post 0 comments

Monday, July 24, 2006
Don't take it away from me

Meet the musically-inclined ppl.A bunch of Loudest , Craziest and Horniest People.All from different walks of life.First impression lotsa Minahs And Mats and i thought we would not have any chemistry.Luckily i was wrong , The Musical Dinner on Friday make us known to each other. Everyone was enthusiastic. We watched the original Joseph and his multi-coloured dreamcoat on DVD.I had a blast.I was hoping it would be a long night.
But time passed when u are having fun , it was a night to remember.
I can't imagine what will happen on the night when the curtain calls close. Everyone will shed tears.We are ONE BIG family.Eternal Friends ever.

Musical babes N dudes

The Retards

Getting More Retarded

We going Bonkers

The next dae was our dance workshop at NAFA School of performing arts , All of us look exhausted but all were hyped to have together again.I really love them alot.They bring in smile on my face.Only Laughter in the air.

But there was one incident when we were walking in search of food.It was a tiring day as in the morning we had our vocal training , then in afternoon the dance workshop.I was shagged.I guessed it showed in my face But i thought nothing of it.Unfortunately my mate think otherwise , as Firus commented how come my face look soo down, "Jannah asal kaunye muka cam gitu"I was dumbfounded and add 2 the strangest part was when Faiz chipped in and said "Her face is alwaes grumpy and everybody has been talking bout her face"

I was appalled, they've been talking behind my back.I was a teeny-weeny offended coz Faiz made a public annoucement of it.

Asha N e rest of the gerls surrounded me"Faiz noticed u so make full use of it"

Hmm....

Asha pulled me aside and "told ya u should smile "_____"more , ur face is alwaes grumpy". I was aghasted and everytime i walked past a mirror or some sort of reflection thingy, i make sure that i had a smile on my face.

In the evening , i msn-ed with Faiz and i asked him bout my fierce face and he said "thank god , that u have the face coz u can be respected or be a fierce teacher"I was shocked by the "tone" so i did not ask more.Sensitive.

I guessed my musical mate are more observant than the rest.I hope they don't only see the weakness.

The Beautiful Ppl

Clockwise from top:Sufyan , me ,syirah , khai, hidayah n Mr ITE fahmy.

Do you know im the elders of amomg us

Arent we photogenic?

Who needs enemy?

The five beauties

L-R:Hidayah(part 2),Fhasha aka my Bezfwen, Syirah, Me and Kak Fit

Need to say more?

Kak Fit nak ice-cheam!! :p

I'm going to send this to Darlie Advertisement

I'm missing them already , i cant wait for our dance practise coming wed from 6pm-9pm.How romantic the atmosphere.Huhu.

*My heart spiralled into a turmoil.I never been a heartbreaker but i alwaes get my heartbroken.Does Cupid Hates me so much that it prevented it from happening?

Jannah ♥ 4:24 PM link to post 0 comments

Sunday, July 23, 2006
History does repeat itself

I promise here and now onwards. I'm not going to fall in lurve again.

Jannah ♥ 10:30 PM link to post 0 comments

Friday, July 21, 2006
The feeling is surreal

The Feeling is so surreal.The last time i had the feeling was during Secondary 3. After the Bitter Experience , I never want to have this feeling again.But it comes back to haunt me.I think im in love.I think I am.After years running away from this feeling , at last it caught up with me.The Moment i saw him , I just can't help but to stare at him.While others like 2 make up conversation wanting to know their crushes better , I tried to avoid talking to him.His presence make me blush.And everytime we exchange sentences , i will go stammering and looking down on his lips.I tried my best not to have eye contact with him.
What contradicts the feeling that we are just aquaintances , I see him around and our communication was Hi and Bye.I really wanna talk to him but i'm afraid i might make a fool of myself.I don want to be too hopeful coz i gonna hurt myself.I don wanna make the same mistake i did 3years ago But i knew that i already had.I can't changed who i am.Its either i show my interest to him OR keep it in my heart.The latter is the true me.I don have the courage or confidence to.

Remember The Book of all answers?
Yep, I tried my luck again.I don believe all the crap it said but it is a fun way wasting my time.I did not follow the instruction , i only concentrated on the qn.

Just wait and see what happen

I nearly shrieked ou loud when i saw the answer.My mind was making up all types of scenarios.My question was.......

Do (Let's Call him X) know i like him And will he like me too??

It's either Bad or Good News.Please , Please Let it Be an Enouragement for me to show my feelings to him.

I don want to run away again.I'm tired.But i'm too shy to even make friends with him.I don want history to repeat itself again.

One is inevitable.Twice is disheartening.Thrice will be life-threatening.

For the Meantime , I seek the book advice by waiting..But i don want to wait anymore!Enuff with all the waiting i done 3years ago coz it flew away leaving me stranded.

Jannah ♥ 8:18 AM link to post 0 comments

Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Wishing me a happy bdae 2 me

Jeng Jeng Jeng

N-O-T

S-O

S-P-E-C-I-A-L

Jannah ♥ 9:05 AM link to post 0 comments

Thursday, July 13, 2006
Guys stop hitting on gerls , Ladies plz protect ur modesty AND both Treat each other equally..

Im afraid if its happen 2 me..Will i ever have the courage 2 leave him Or still stick with him and endure all his nonsence..I never been in her shoe much less in a relationship but if u are in love , nothing can separate ur love to him..NOT even ur beloved family who born and bred u..Thats why we alwaes hear the phrases.."Love is blind"
It happened 2 a friend of mine,Her "boyfriend" is totally possesive towards her.. He did not trust her whereabouts..He did not let her 2 stay in contact with her friends..Weekends spend are with Him Only..Period.There is one incident when we were hanging out together after such donkey years..We were halfway through our destination..When she had 2 leave us as her so-called "Boyfriend" wanna meet her at JurongPoint and he was mad at her 4 not telling him that she was meeting us..Blardy Fark!!!I was dumdfounded who do he think he is?!And she have 2 go all the way from Yishun to BoonLay..I was shocked..She had been tied down by this man who is NOT even her husband.. More shocking was When i found out that she had been Physically abuse by her "Boyfriend"I was appalled..No wonder i saw her arm livid..But she retort that she accidently poked herself to a sharp pointed object..We bought her story coz we did not noe the truth..
The most saddening part was she refused 2 leave him..She would get upset everytime we advised her..She would be all sulky..She LOVES him N HE "loves" her too..She has yet 2 realise the fact that she had been slapped in front of her mother!Her mom was paralysed with shock..Luckily her Dad was at home and he heard the commotion..He barged towards the Bastard and held on shirt and threatened 2 report the matter 2 the police..He threw the "Boyfriend" out and disallowed her 2 be friends with him..Still she was stubborn and continued seeing him..She was defiant towards her parents too when they get protective.. And she was thrown out of the house..she stayed with her grandparents at the moment..And still seeing the Bastard..I pitied her..I donnoe wat has her "boyfriend"do 2 her that she still stick with him for all had happen..
Love makes u go beyond your means and sacrifice whatever u had in your life..Don't be a victim 2 love..

**************

Its the time of the month..And the hassle of wearing a pad is unavoided..I hate it when it comes to the tear and paste part..No matter how accurate u paste u still have leakage , No matter the brands advertised NO MORE LEAKAGE.. There still will be..And also the hassle throwing it away after use..THis is the part many Ladies has yet 2 learn..Please Ladies you are all grown up..Dont treat the sanitary bins as juz a normal rubbish bin..Its disgusting when i saw ur soiled pad facing upwards and worse stuck underneath it!Eeeuuuuuuuu!!!!!!

I don want 2 noe wats the colour of ur drainage system..I had mine 2 worry..

Its embarrassing..Morever i saw all this happenings at the basement of the Office Toilet at Suntec City!!Precisely They are all corporate ladies..I did not noe that Ladies in suits have Jelly for their brains..Please Protect ur Underneath!!

Jannah ♥ 4:09 PM link to post 0 comments

Monday, July 10, 2006
The world is round not squared

Hey There!
Assalammualaikum wr wb.
It a nong nong time since i Post and Yeah 2dae post will be in a nong nong sentence..So get ready a cuppa and a green apple 2 perk urself up..I'll be offended if i see u nodding off after 2 Paragraphs..

Let bygones be bygones..Life has 2 go on..I don wanna be reminded of the past..

The past few daes had been hectic for me..The Schedule was tight and i find myself breathless..Seriously i don feel lyke im having a skewl holidaes..
(ouh..didn't i tell u now is my term break?)I have 2 go 2 skewl to attend The Musical Training..Dancing Lessons on Wed N Fri While Vocal Training Falls On Saturdae..And the rest of the daes i spent working..Im really shagged..
What Worse..Ive been sick all this while..Splitting Headaches , Runny nose N Cough..Was it e Humid weather OR My Immune system is low..
Its sickening coz every early month i will visit the doctor for the same reason N i wasted 1/4 of my pay there!
The icked factor was when i cough i knew dat my phelgm were waiting 2 see e world but when i wanna spit it out , it hesitate and paste itself on my throat N (U noe the feeling arr..)Squeamish!!

Sometimes ago..B4 the tragic incident..I was having a ball of a time meeting my closetie during the secondary skewl daes..The Last tyme we met was during the Hari Raya Gathering..We have our late lunch at Pastamania

at Cineleisure N had our dessert at Coffee Bean..Brownies anyone?

It was a short meeting coz Liy had 2 go off early..I was satified..Missing her lotsa..

A few daes l8r..I went 2 meet Makcik for a hair-cutting session..FYI , Ive been having e same long layered hair since secondary school..The only time i had a change of style was during my sec 4 year..It was embarrassing i cut it in a babydoll style with fringe..Gawd!My classmate and friends thot a new student juz move in..
I played hide-n-seek a few weeks..And then when i entered ITE , I decided 2 have short hair..I look boyish..(which is disgusting)But i have 2 opinions , Some prefered me with short hair coz i look cuter while the other half like me best with long hair..Me?I look unpresentable in both..Aiyoh!
Yeah..I took some pics but i shy larh wanna show u ppl..Sorwie ehk..Nxt tyme..
Hehehehe..Ouh..Makcik oso cut her hair..Bob Style"in"thing now..She was the one who dragged me 2 try out a new style..Hahaha..But i end up having e same cut..Layered Shoulder length..Im sooo conventional..Boring...

Jannah ♥ 2:59 PM link to post 0 comments

Sunday, July 02, 2006
You'll be in my heart

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my hear
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep in side us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Believe me, you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more
Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Always
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there
Always

The Song i sang 4 baby 2 put her 2 sleep or when she started her non-stop shrills..Its been 16hours since she left me..I misses her alot..Every minute i kept thinking of her..*If only i knew it wiould happen , I would prevented it from happening..
*If Only=2 words when someone cant accept e reality..

Yes!I cant accept that Baby's Dead..It never crossed my mind..Ytd Baby acted differently..Her pitches getting louder thou i soothed her she wont stop her shrill..I ignored it as i think it was normal..Sadly..I was wrong..And i paid the price..The worst part she died NOT in my arms But beside me..
As usual when i woke up , I stroked and gave her a kiss..I realised that she was not moving..Suddenly i started crying and screaming..
"bABy bangun!!"Baby dah mati"Asal dier mati?!"Nie sumer salah akak!"
Everything was a blurred..I cant concentrate..Tears kept streaming down lyke a waterfall..

I never ever felt so lost and Alone..My family was insensitive and they expect me 2 move on in juz a few mins!I was appalled..They even suggested i threw Baby in the chute..It was depressing..My parents had been objecting for keeping Baby bcoz she was juz a kitten and has yet 2 open her eyes..I knew they were concerned as we already have 2 grown-up cats.. It was all my Lil sis fault..She was the one who picked the stray up..And i was the one who was took care of her!My sis only knew 2 play wif Baby..I've become a surrogate mother who took care every of her needs..I missed stroking her . patted her . washed her wif cotoon wool soaked in warm water and put her 2 sleep..Most of all..I missed Hugging Baby , 2 feel her fur on my face..

If onle i had send her 2 SPCA..The death would be avoidable..Bcoz of my procrastination..I had 2 bear the conseqeunces and I'm now in pain..

Call 2 SPCA in the morning the day b4 Yesterday..
Mie:Hello..Gd Morning..I need some advice,my sis found a kitten who's eyes had not open?I checked the internet..(Describe e procedure)Am i doing it right?

SPCA:Yes u are..

Mie:Ive made som plans 2 send it 2 U..Can i take it back in a few weeks tyme when she grows..

SPCA:I'm sorry once u send 2 SPAC..It's ou property therefore u had 2 consider as if the Kitten cant make it..We will have 2 let it go..I hope u understand..

Mie:(Hearts Pounding)Uhh..Yeah..I will think it over..Thanks..

SPCA:U welcome..have a nice day..

I don wanna part with Baby as i've been taking care of her since 5 days ago..The bond i had with her..I loved Baby soo much..BUT *If only i had send her 2 SPCA..At least she would be alive and kicking , growing up 2 a healthy cat..
Not BE dead!I'm guilty..I was the one who caused her death..I've 2 blame myself..

Now..I'm trying 2 stand again..Thou my heartache..This is e 1st tyme a death fall upon me..I have 2 stay strong..Death is in the hand of Allah..Everything that happen has a reason..

I thought i had dried up my tears from all the crying..But as i laid on my bed Hugging to Baby's Comforter(My old t-shirt),her mini milk bottle and syringe..Two large tears rolled down my cheek..And i knew that i still yet 2 get over her..

Allah..Please give me strength 2 live my life..Dont haunt me with Guilty..
Locked every memories of Us deep inside the back of my mind..I just want 2 have some peace..

Jannah ♥ 11:26 PM link to post 0 comments

Cant take it anymore

If i let u go , i will never noe..
What my life would be holding u close 2 me..

Forgive me 4 making u cry..
Forgive me if i did not comfort u..
For now i live in regret..
Knowing u are now dead..

My heartache..
Tears streaming down..
Thou i cry blood..
I noe i wont bring u 2 life..

So fragile so vulnerable..
I betrayed e trust u had in me..
I wont 4give myself for this..

The moment i saw u stop breathing..
I noe u had leave me..
if only i had realise it..
2dae u will still be beside me..

I will cherished the memories wif had..
U will alwaes be in my heart..
No noe can replace..
4 e last yme im saying goodbye.......

In loving memory of Baby

27.06.06-02.07.06(6.43am)

Jannah ♥ 8:44 AM link to post 0 comments